I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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