yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
