god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
