i permit you to call me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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