threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
