I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
