and you said cock pushups were impossible
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
