There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
