I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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