she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize