Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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