walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't turn off my feet"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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