I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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