i think my tv is drunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
