What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
