I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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