He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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