Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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