I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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