She is in my trunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
