STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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