dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
