i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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