make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
