If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
