Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
