I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
