We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
