This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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