The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
