You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
