PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
