Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
