I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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