i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize