she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
