She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're like the curious george of whores
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
