My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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