I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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