yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
