physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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