You can't motorboat a personality
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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