After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
