i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just cropdusted the office
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
