we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize