cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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