Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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