escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
