sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
