You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize