evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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