I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i will never coherently bang her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize