I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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