Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They took my balls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize