Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
