Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
