Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
