I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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