She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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