What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
