i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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