Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
