what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
