I am puke
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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