no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
