I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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