We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize