So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
