i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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