best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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