States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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