went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I won the penis lottery.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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