you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
