Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
