so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
