I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I see more hoeing in ur future
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
